Kitten Boheme and Uberrime Present…
Okay, okay… you folks got me… this was an April Fools prank… but maybe there can be a Kitten Boheme signature dildo in the future… just maybe one that is a bit less… shitty…
When I started KittenBoheme.com those many years ago, I had a goal in mind… I wanted to build my brand up to the point where I could have my own line of sex toys. A line of sex toys that people could be excited about… like… really excited. I guess what blogger doesn’t have that dream? I mean… when you see a dildo being produced with your name on it… it’s kind of like “wow… I’ve really made it…”
About four or five months ago I was approached by the amazing indie toy maker Uberrime (you’ll recognize the name from such reviews as the Splendid, Dr. Manhattan, or Night King) and he wanted to know if I was up for a collaboration project. Uhh.. Does the Pope Pray?! HECK YEAH I’M UP FOR IT! So we spent several grueling months on the phone, Skype video chats, faxing designs back and forth… trying to come up with everything it meant to be Kitten Boheme. Honestly… we spent so much time on this project I’m pretty sure Marco is sick of me… I’m kind of embarrassed to admit it… but I’m extremely demanding and a huge perfectionist… I have made him re-sculpt this dildo probably half a dozen times… I’m actually surprised he is still talking to me.
Okay, so… while designing this toy I really thought long and hard about all the toys I have loved over the years… compiling a list of features my signature dildo just had to have:
- Girth. This dildo had to be girthy… you know how much I enjoy a good toy to clench around while using a vibrator on my clit.
- Texture. I am a texture FIEND. My dildos need to be a god damn experience… if my vaginal walls can’t feel every inch of the toy.. what good is it?
- Aesthetically Pleasing. Any toy with my name on it needed to be BEAUTIFUL. If a dildo is ugly… why would I want to own it?
- Versatile. This is a big one for me. A dildo needs to be able to wear many hats (so to speak… because dildo’s don’t actually wear hats… although that is a fantastic idea… I’m making mental note of that…), which means it needs to be able to hit my g-spot, be anal safe and fit in a harness!
- Mean Something. If I was going to design a dildo, I wanted it to have an important life message attached to it. I wasn’t going to produce another vapid dildo… mine was going to mean something.
So, with that list in mind and Uberrime’s careful guidance and amazing depth of knowledge in the art of crafting dildos… my signature toy was born… and I am SO FREAKING EXCITED! Even though the sculpting process isn’t yet complete… Uberrime agreed that I could finally announce our collaborative project… I feel like I need a drum roll. Quick, someone… make drum noises!
Here we go… your first sneak peek at the Kitten Boheme Signature Dildo from Uberrime….
FUCK THIS SHIT
When I dug down deep and really thought about what I wanted… I thought… “Fuck This Shit.”
The Fuck This Shit has everything, and I mean everything I want in a dildo! First of all… DAMN does this thing have some girth! When I used this anally, I thought “Dang! This does feel like I’m taking the world’s most satisfying poop!”
Which brings me to my next dildo feature… it is anal safe! You can safely put this poop right up your poop chute… it’s also harness compatible, so you can fling your poop into your BFF’s poop chute!
This toy is aesthetically pleasing! Look at that delicate swirling pattern in the head! This took MONTHS to perfect… you should see all the hand sculpted models that didn’t make the cut. Right now, we are only planning on offering the Fuck this Shit in Healthy Brown, but we have discussed adding more color options as time goes on. Maybe a limited edition green or mustard yellow!
Next… texture… I wanted texture and Uberrime really came through for me on this one! The original concept had a completely smooth shaft… but who wants that? We then tried adding in seeds, nuts, and even flecks of undigested carrot… but where we hit a real winner was CORN. That’s right… the shaft of the Fuck this Shift is covered with undigested corn for texture. It is AMAZING!
And best of all… my shit don’t stink! That’s right, the Fuck this Shit is made from 100% silicone, so there are no unpleasant odors like you get with a toxic jelly toy.
Lastly, I want every toy I create to have a message to it. Something that you can really take to heart. Sure, its just a dildo… but that doesn’t mean it can’t impart a little wisdom. When using this dildo I just wanted everyone to remember, shit happens, so fuck it.
So, please welcome, from my backdoor to yours, the Kitten Boheme Fuck this Shit… the first in what I hope to be a long line of collaboration projects with Uberrime!
Poop jokes are pretty funny, they aren’t my favorite kind of jokes, but they are a solid #2